All Posts (ladypirate)
#1
Re: JOKES
ladypirate
Posted on: 2012/10/4 17:49
What Is Couple Sex?
All you Grandpas and Grandmas, we are all reaching that stage where we need to keep the wax out of our ears and keep the hearing aids tuned up. What Is Couple Sex?
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her,
"Why did you ask this question, honey?"
The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.
All you Grandpas and Grandmas, we are all reaching that stage where we need to keep the wax out of our ears and keep the hearing aids tuned up. What Is Couple Sex?
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her,
"Why did you ask this question, honey?"
The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.
#2
Re: JOKES
ladypirate
Posted on: 2012/10/4 17:26
Who wants to be a farmer?????
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.
"Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.
"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.
Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.
There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."
"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."
"That'll be me then," said Paddy.
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.
"Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.
"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.
Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.
There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."
"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."
"That'll be me then," said Paddy.
#5
my desktop
ladypirate
Posted on: 2012/8/12 12:59
I hope I have this in the right place 
if not maybe one of the mods could fix it (move it if need to be )
as the title suggests my desktop I just wanted to get some feed back on this new wallpaper I just made, its made using Mandelbulber its another fractal , it is the first time I have used it and I thought that some feed back would be great .as you all know I like to try out different fractals so here goes welcome Quilt
[img align=right width=300]http://desmond.imageshack.us/Himg685/scaled.php?server=685&filename=quiltq.jpg&res=landing[/img]
if not maybe one of the mods could fix it (move it if need to be )as the title suggests my desktop I just wanted to get some feed back on this new wallpaper I just made, its made using Mandelbulber its another fractal , it is the first time I have used it and I thought that some feed back would be great .as you all know I like to try out different fractals so here goes welcome Quilt
[img align=right width=300]http://desmond.imageshack.us/Himg685/scaled.php?server=685&filename=quiltq.jpg&res=landing[/img]Attach file:
Quilt.jpg (682.14 KB)
#6
Re: JOKES
ladypirate
Posted on: 2012/8/7 1:09
:lol: :lol: too funny, I thought the last bit was going to say I am the chief
#7
Re: JOKES
ladypirate
Posted on: 2012/8/6 6:42
The Nuns story -
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies:
'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers:
'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have,
you get a chance to see and hear just about everything....
I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'
She responds: 'Well, let us see what we can do about that:
1. You have to be single and
2. You must be Catholic.'
The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'
The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party'.
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies:
'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers:
'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have,
you get a chance to see and hear just about everything....
I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'
She responds: 'Well, let us see what we can do about that:
1. You have to be single and
2. You must be Catholic.'
The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'
The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party'.
#8
Re: JOKES
ladypirate
Posted on: 2012/8/6 6:41
The Female Dentist !!!!
The female dentist prepares the needle to give the bloke with the toothache an anaesthetic injection. “No way! No needles, I hate needles!” the guy said.
So the dentist starts to hook up her nitrous oxide gas and the man objects again. “I can't do
the gas thing either. The thought of having the gas mask on my face makes me faint!”
She then asks the guy if he has any objection to taking a pill. “No objection,” the patient says. “'I'm fine with pills.”
When she returns she says, “Here's a Viagra and a glass of water.” The guy says, “Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!”
“It doesn't” she said, "But it’ll give you something to hold on to while I pull your tooth out."
The female dentist prepares the needle to give the bloke with the toothache an anaesthetic injection. “No way! No needles, I hate needles!” the guy said.
So the dentist starts to hook up her nitrous oxide gas and the man objects again. “I can't do
the gas thing either. The thought of having the gas mask on my face makes me faint!”
She then asks the guy if he has any objection to taking a pill. “No objection,” the patient says. “'I'm fine with pills.”
When she returns she says, “Here's a Viagra and a glass of water.” The guy says, “Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!”
“It doesn't” she said, "But it’ll give you something to hold on to while I pull your tooth out."
#9
Re: JOKES
ladypirate
Posted on: 2012/8/6 6:40
Daves at it again -
Dave was staring sadly into his beer and sighed heavily.
“What’s up Dave?” asked the bartender…It’s not like you to be so down in the mouth.”
“It’s my four year old son…” the man replied.
“Don’t tell me, he’s in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad’s just the same – forget about it; it happens to boys that age,” said the bartender, sympathetically.
“ I only wish it was that,” continued the customer, “ but it’s far worse than that. The little bastard has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door neighbor pregnant.”
“Get away, that’s impossible!” gasped the bartender.
“It’s not,” said the man. "The little prick stuck a pin in all my condoms.”
#10
Re: JOKES
ladypirate
Posted on: 2012/8/6 6:40
A guy in a hurry used the ladies 'toilet in a posh hotel'.. He sat down & noticed 4 buttons- WW, WA, PP & APR.
Curious, he pressed WW & his butt was gently sprayed with WARM WATER, he loved it so much!
He then pressed WA & a blast of WARM AIR dried him up. Still loving it, he pressed PP & a POWDER PUFF to make him smell fresh.
Feeling pampered, he decided to press the last button APR. He later woke up in a hospital, a nurse smiled & said; Sir, APR means AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER, so when the machine couldn't find a pad on you, it went for your balls.
Your balls are in this jar.
Curious, he pressed WW & his butt was gently sprayed with WARM WATER, he loved it so much!
He then pressed WA & a blast of WARM AIR dried him up. Still loving it, he pressed PP & a POWDER PUFF to make him smell fresh.
Feeling pampered, he decided to press the last button APR. He later woke up in a hospital, a nurse smiled & said; Sir, APR means AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER, so when the machine couldn't find a pad on you, it went for your balls.
Your balls are in this jar.
